The Man

So one of my last posts was about the new guy in my life. It's been about a year now, so it's not quite so new anymore.

The gooey, gushy rush of new love has passed. The bloom may not be entirely off the rose, but the petals have been wilting in the heat.

Don't get me wrong--I'm still in love. He's kind, funny, considerate, gentle--many great qualities that will stand us in good stead in the years to come. We are compatible in many ways, and I enjoy his company.

But there are no illusions. I know what he's like when he's angry, cranky, tired, sick--I know his bowel habits and his health issues, his body hair and his Achilles heel. Yet....

If you asked me to go back to the start, I wouldn't. I cherish the time when the facade drops and the real person emerges. The fragility, vulnerability, honesty....trusting another human with who you truly are. Knowing that they can take it, that they aren't afraid or disgusted.

The beauty of The Man is that he has allowed me to drop my facade as well. I am known, and loved, warts and all. The roses may be wilted, but this is the bouquet I'll hold on to.

Love Language

My sister had a birthday a while ago, and she was disappointed in the gift she got from her husband. She felt it was a little cold and impersonal, and that from her intimate partner (to whom she has been married quite some time) she should receive something more thoughtful.

Note that thoughtful does not mean more expensive in dollars, but it does mean more creative, or that it took more thought and planning.

We had a long talk about it. This has been the norm for many years--he's a good guy and treats her well, but he misses the point on her big occasions. He doesn't "get" that her love language is gifts.

I'm a big proponent of Love Languages. I read a book by Gary Chapman titled "The Five Love Languages," and ever since then I've applied the knowledge with my friends and family. He states that we each speak a particular "language of love" as our primary language. Since it is our "native tongue," it is how we speak love to the other people in our lives.

But what if their language is different? They won't understand what you are saying to them. Just like if I told you in German that it's time to walk the dog, if you only speak Spanish, Fido is going to get no exercise.

So the languages are Gifts, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Words of Admiration, and Acts of Service. Once I started to grasp this concept, it became fairly easy for me to see where my primary language was, and how I had always tried to communicate to my loved ones that way. It became equally clear that they didn't share my primary language, and instead had been speaking to me in their primary language!

It has changed my relationships for the better to realize what makes each person tick--they recognize that I am communicating love to them when I make an effort to speak their language. I have also shared this information with many people, and they have recognized their own language fairly easily. Whether they put that knowledge to good use is up to them.

So what's your language? Do you feel like your partner speaks it to you? If not, figure out what he/she is always asking you for, and you have a good clue as to what their language is. Speak it to them, and you will fill their tank and let them know how loved they are by you. Show them what your language is, and see if they find ways to "translate" their love for you.