Waking up the blog

I walked away from this blog a long time ago, and many things have changed in the meantime. I met someone, we got married. We rescued two dogs. We bought a house. He started a business. And then he died.

I thought I knew what grief was. I lost my parents many years ago, and I've lost beloved pets too. Aunts and uncles have died, and I've hurt, and cried, and mourned them all.

But losing your partner is so different. Everything is touched. What I watch, what I eat, where I go, what I do, when I do it, who I talk to, the questions I get asked, what my responsibilities are. I sleep differently, if I'm lucky enough to sleep. There isn't any corner of my life that he didn't touch.

Obviously, his presence is gone, but his things remain. Some I had no qualms about--not the least sentimental about socks. But shirts--yes.

I will start writing this month, to memorialize him, and to process my grief. I don't want to forget what he was like, or what he meant to me. I wish I had another chance to tell him.